7 Ways To Deal With Toxic People

Toxic people are like taxes: They're unavoidable. But at least taxes are predictable, coming around at the same time every year. Toxic people... well, you never know when you'll cross paths with them. You know the type—the person who is perpetually unhappy and who seems to thrive off the misery of others, including yours.

On this topic, all of our experts agree on at least one thing: Trying to change a toxic person is futile. "When dealing with toxic people, you're better off accepting that they are who they are," says Steven M. Sultanoff, PhD. "It's very important to stay centered and to realize that their toxicity is not in any way going to affect your core value and worth."

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Of course, that may be easier said than done, especially when you find yourself face to face with a toxic personality. With these tips, you can survive each encounter with your spirit and self-esteem intact.

1. STICK TO THE FACTS
The best way to deal with toxic people is to keep things as professional, business-like and fact-based as possible—at least on your end. "Stick to the facts of the matter when communicating with the toxic person," says Melodie R. Schaefer, PsyD. "If it seems that they are not able to work toward a resolution with you, suggest taking a break and coming back at a later time to discuss the issue."

2. BRING IN REINFORCEMENTS
If you're trying to work through an issue with a toxic person, sometimes bringing in a third party can turn the tables in your favor. "If you're at an impasse, don't be afraid to consult with someone else," Schaefer says. "If that doesn't work, you may want to have that person present when talking to the toxic person."

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3. WATCH YOUR POSTURE
Toxic people will look for the chink in your armor, and that's where they'll attack, trying to chip away at your defenses. You hold the upper hand as long as you can maintain your composure. "Watch your body language and your posture," says Rallie McAllister, MD, MPH. "Crossing your arms, pounding your fists, and adopting a rigid posture intensify feelings of anger. Take a couple of deep breaths and relax your tense muscles. It will help dissipate mounting anger."

4. FORGET ABOUT REVENGE
It may be fun to imagine getting back at the person who's tormenting you, but retribution is never a good idea. It will ultimately make you look as bad as the toxic person. "Abandon feelings of revenge," McAllister says. "When you focus on trying to get even, you feed into your anger. Let Karma take care of evening the score."

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5. HAVE AN EXIT PLAN
If you have time to prepare for the encounter, you can develop a strategy to keep the conversation civil and avoid potential traps, advises Amy J. Khan, MD, MPH. Also, consider how you can end the conversation and exit the situation in case things take a turn for the worse.

6. TURN THE OTHER CHEEK
No matter how much vitriol is being directed at you, let it roll off of you, and turn the tables with a kind word and a smile. Even if it does nothing to change the other person's frame of mind, it will most certainly help yours. "By being kind, you will feel better, and you won't be sucked down by the other person," says John M. Rowley, director of fitness and wellness at the American Institute of Healthcare & Fitness in Raleigh, North Carolina.

7. PRACTICE AVOIDANCE
Of course, there is one easy way to remove all this toxicity from your life and that's to stay away from the person creating it. "Life is too short to surround yourself with toxic people, which is why my number one advice in this area is to avoid the person if at all possible," says McAllister. The only problem is that this is not always possible. "If it's a friend, family member, or coworker, don't be afraid to seek out counseling or advice from others in the office, including your boss, if the situation becomes unbearable."

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