Gratitude Brings Families Closer

This Thanksgiving, along with the cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie, don’t forget to bring thankfulness to the table. A heaping helping of gratitude may bring you closer to those around you—and ultimately that may get you through the holidays with less stress.

Recent research shows that gratitude can strengthen bonds with family and friends in several ways. Being grateful to loved ones helps you feel closer and more connected to them. Plus, studies show that feeling and expressing gratitude may make you:

• More responsive to others’ needs
• More committed to relationships
• More satisfied with your mate
• More comfortable about talking through relationship issues

Saying Thanks Is Rewarding

When you express your gratitude to loved ones, it lets them know that their thoughtful gestures are noticed and appreciated. Your thanks is a powerful reward, which makes it more likely that they’ll do additional thoughtful things in the future. And that gives you even more to feel grateful about.

Yet the power of gratitude seems to go beyond just rewarding others for good behavior. In fact, research shows that thoughts of gratitude can have positive effects even when not spoken aloud.

It’s Good to Feel Understood

Sara Algoe, PhD, an assistant professor of social psychology at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, has a theory about why grateful thoughts have such a beneficial impact on relationships. Actions that give rise to gratitude stand out from other nice acts because they make you feel understood, approved of, or cared for, she says. These feelings send a powerful message to your brain: You must have a close, high-quality relationship with this other person, because he or she seems to know you so well.

In short, gratitude signals that this is “someone who will be there through thick and thin, both providing support and enriching one’s life,” Dr. Algoe writes in Social and Personality Psychology Compass. Consequently, you may put more effort into the relationship, making it stronger yet.

Starting a Gratitude Tradition

Thanksgiving is a holiday custom-made to bring out feelings of gratitude. Yet between feasts, football, and Friday sales, it’s easy to get distracted.

One way to refocus on the day’s true purpose is to go around the table and have each person share something he or she is thankful for. On Thanksgiving and every day, you can also take a few minutes in the evening to reflect on or write about things that made you feel grateful that day.

Christine Carter, PhD, a sociologist at the Greater Good Science Center of the University of California, Berkeley, shares other great ideas on her website for making gratitude a holiday tradition. One of her suggestions is to put large place cards around the table, on which people can write grateful messages to fellow diners while the turkey cooks. Sitting down to a place card full of thank you’s sounds like a lovely way to start dinner—and writing the messages beforehand is a good reminder of what the day is all about.

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