"When you carefully consider your words, thoughts and actions, and
specifically how they will benefit that other person…you’re in love,”
says Dennis Neder, author of Being A Man In A Woman’s World, to Discovery Fit & Health. The quality of romantic, long-term relationships significantly impacts a person’s physical and psychological well-being.
People may feel their happiness is fully dependent on their partners,
leaving them in a fragile state of mind if their feelings are not
reciprocated. One in seven adults, in fact, claim that they are in a
serious relationship with a partner who they do not consider “the love
of their life,” according to a UK survey.
A 2,000-person survey conducted by Siemens Festival Nights,
a unique three-day event showcasing three different operas, revealed
the intimate details of the views and experiences of couples in
long-term relationships. A surprising result from the survey showed that
while women do tend to fall in love more than men, men and women fall
in love, on average, two times in their lifetime. Survey participants
reported that they fell in love for the first time at the average age of
19 and dated an average of four to five people before they met “the
Seventy-three percent of survey respondents said that
they have “made their peace” with their partners because their “true
love” got away. However, 46 percent said they would leave their
significant other to be with their true love if they got the chance.
is alarming is that so many people claim to be in long term
relationships or even married to someone who isn't the true love of
their life,” said Claire Jarvis, communications director for Siemens, to
The Telegraph. "And if there are people out there who are genuinely in love with two people at the same time, they must face a huge dilemma."
if one is with Mr. or Mrs. Right takes just about 10 weeks, according
to 60 percent of the survey respondents. This statistic still remains
coherent with the finding that 75 percent of adults admit their
definition of love changes as they get older.
While the survey
remains ambiguous on what the survey respondents believe is “true love,”
Samuel Lopez De Victoria, Ph.D., a psychotherapist in private practice
and an adjunct psychology professor at Miami Dade College, told Psych Central that there is a three-part model that can help romantic hopefuls determine if their partner is truly “the one.”
feeling of passion includes the physical and sexual attraction you feel
for your partner. The feeling consumes you as you are jaw-dropped by
their physique. Lopez De Victoria said pheromones,
which are behavior-altering agents, are elevated and can trigger sexual
behavior in humans. If you feel an obsessive need to have your feelings
reciprocated, then you are likely passionately attracted to that
Intimacy stems from
spending a lot of time together with the other person, and it is most
often built on trust and safety, believes Lopez De Victoria. This second
part takes time to develop and involves effort from both partners. This
can prove especially difficult if one of the partners has been hurt in
the past and will express reluctance to become close to a new partner
because of trust issues.
last part involves the ability of both partners to stay intimate no
matter the challenges they face. “For a couple to stay together they
must consistently break through the barriers of being hurt while
assuming that the other person wants to resolve the issue also,” said
Lopez De Victoria. “Commitment is not for the lighthearted." But this
doesn’t mean that you must agree with everything your partner says or
does, but rather that you can respect the differences in views and
According to Lopez De Victoria, true love has all of these three components.